so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
