So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
