that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
