How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
