I think my vagina is haunted
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
