take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
