the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
