it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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