He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
