we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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