I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
