as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
