On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
