Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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