If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
