im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
