Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
