69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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