he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
