everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
