I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
