we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize