So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
