I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
