wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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