My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Houston, we have a blender
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
