All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
God, I missed his penis.
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