Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
