I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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