my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
