kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
