I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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