he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize