you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
