i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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