I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
