Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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