He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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