I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize