i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
