That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
