Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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