Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
