So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
