Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
