Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
