I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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