I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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