so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
