I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
