wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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