I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
