Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
