He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
not ubering you a puppy
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
