The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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