i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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