Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
