You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
