I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
