6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
