so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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