i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
