Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
