i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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